I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow, and all day I’ve been having this wild hair (insert kah-boom cymbal sound here), thinking about doing something different for a change. The problem is, whenever I try to break out a new style, I usually end up regretting it. Because crazy as it may sound, even though my stylist Jamie is amazing, she somehow can’t totally make me look like Halle Berry when we’re done. Weird, right?
But anyway, as I kept thinking about it, I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to do a little online searching for new styles. You never know where inspiration might be found.
Well, let’s just say that it was not found on the pages of Google or Bing. Instead, what was found was a plethora of bad ideas translated into real life bad hair. I mean, seriously people, what were you thinking?!
I need to make one thing very clear right off the bat — I was NOT searching for outrageous styles, or crazy hair. I simply typed in something along the lines of “hot, sexy hairstyles that make you look 20 years younger.” Wait, no, that wasn’t it. I simply typed in something like “short curly hairstyles.” (I am both blessed and cursed with naturally curly hair. I have finally learned to stop fighting it, and I now try to embrace my inner “curly girl.”)
The more I searched through page after page of search results, the more I found myself giggling out loud. My husband had to ask what on earth was so funny. Once he asked, I wouldn’t leave him alone for the next 30 minutes — “Hey, Scott, you’ve got to see this one. No really. This one is the best. Oh, wait! Sorry, this next one is even better. Hey, will you please turn around and look at this? Yeah, I know, right?!” We ended up both being totally invested.
After a while, I just had to save some favorites to share, because who knows, some of you might be looking for a new style yourselves. I’m sure you’ll find a gem in this batch. How could you not?!
But first, let’s start out with the most common results when searching for “short curly hairstyles.” You’re going to see several popular celebrities over and over, including the Holy Grail title-holder of the short curly hairstyle, a pre-plastic surgery Meg Ryan:
The “When Harry Met Sally” version of Meg Ryan, who appears to be trying to do something creative with her hands, or sleeves, or throat, or something.
When Keri Russell, star of the popular TV series, “Felicity,” cut off her long flowing locks, it caused an uproar so loud it nearly ended the show.
Country band Sugarland’s superstar frontwoman, Jennifer Nettles
A shorter hair version of Jessica Simpson
(who I’m sure hopes you’re only looking at her awesome hair).
You will probably even see the once-short and curly-styled First Lady, Michelle Obama.
But that’s where the good ideas end (and that is in no way a reference to the Obama administration). Once you get past the “celebrity” styles, things go downhill pretty fast.
Let’s take a look at some of the running themes in Google-provided search results.
THE BASIC FAIL CATEGORY:
Where to even start with this one . . . I’m going to be polite and not mention the unfortunate purple streak in the front. But as for the rest? Seriously, do NOT try this at home. Or the salon. Or anywhere else for that matter.
The style you choose when you simply cannot make up your mind between the A-line curly-do and a braid. When in doubt, why not just do both, right?
There are simply NO words for this. I have absolutely no idea what is going on here. Or why. But whatever the explanation, it looks PAINFUL.
Next up, we have the “SEARS SCHOOL OF PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHY SELECTION OF PRICELESS POSES.”
“I just happened to be resting my head on my hand when the camera snapped this photo.”
“What’s that? A hair is out of place?” Ok, just excuse me while I fix that. Don’t worry, I’ll keep smiling while you take this picture.”
Aw shucks, Goldilocks is all grown up.
“Can I try that too?”
We’re going for the studious law school student vibe with this pose
Hmmm….. Someone want a cherry?
“Excuse me while I scratch my back for a minute.”
“Hey, wanna see how far I can twist my neck without breaking it?”
Next, I learned that apparently, some women only need to use one eye, as indicated by these stylish choices.
As for me, I’m going to keep using both eyes, as long as they both still work. I’ll have to pass on these styles.
The next category is all about ATTITUDE. These gals are giving it their all to get their message across.
“You take one more step, and I’m gonna PUNCH you.”
Somewhere in the background, John Mellencamp is singing “Hurts so Good . . . “
“Sorry I’m late. My boyfriend just broke up with me. And took our cat with him. And it was raining.”
“What did you just say about my curls? Huh? You wanna try saying that one more time?”
“Call me Sasha Fierce. Please?”
This seriously was in the hairstyle results. Somehow, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
After all this looking, I am left considering a few final contenders —
I could always go back to a classic 90’s style like one of these.
But in the end, I have to go back to the beginning. Because I haven’t found anything that can beat this style yet. So, how do you think it looks on me?
Long live the 90’s!!
I’m off to the stylist. Please pray for me, I just might do something crazy.